These have been a rough few weeks. Not even counting the earthquake! After Lake Sevan things came to a screeching halt at both of my jobs. I figured it was just because I was going to Yerevan the following weekend and didn't want to commit too much time to settling in. I honestly didn't do much of anything at work this week…. I wish I could say otherwise. But I'm just exhausted and have hit a major emotional wall. I miss my family in America. I miss the food. I miss having confidence. I miss Scott...
So last Thursday while I’m sitting there at the YWCA, my boss starts telling me about a “gathering” in the mountains with “a few people” on Thursday. She asked if I wanted to go and she finally wore me down “We’ll stay 45 minutes max” she said. We stayed for 7 hours…. But it was pretty damn awesome! Below are some photos of the day. I still have no idea why this happened, but I’m so glad it did.
I went and got some pizza with some of the older volunteers at a place called "Pizza Americano." Expensive as heck, but totally worth it! Pizza without mayonnaise or ketchup! This place also spawned two funny stories that I'll be laughing about for a long time.
1. My language is far from perfect, so I often make mistakes. Sometimes these mistakes are absolutely hilarious. Like when I ordered a "pepperoni baby" at the restaurant instead of a small pepperoni pizza. My friend, Lissa has adopted the name for herself and she is known from here on out as my "pepperoni baby."
2. My language is good enough (or so I think) to get around in most situations. So while I can't understand every word, I understand the point of the sentences. Like when we ordered ice cream for Lissa's upcoming birthday and the waiter asked a question and all I understood was "how many...." it was safe for me to assume he meant "how many scoops?" We said "two" His eyes got real wide and said, "Two?" "Yes?" He then walked away in shock. Not having any idea what the big deal about getting two scoops of ice cream, we watched him in curiosity. The ice cream took about 15 minutes to get to us. Because the poor waiter was measuring each scoop very carefully. He'd then weigh it and either add a little more or take a little out. But because we ordered two ice creams, by the time he finished with one, the other had melted and he'd have to start over. It was humorous to watch until he added three scoops, then four, then five then six! We were so confused!
He finally brought them over and we had to ask "Why do we each have six incredibly precise measured scoops of ice cream?" He said "You wanted two!" So this is when one of the other PCVs came to our rescue and asked in her advanced Armenian what was up with these ice creams? After a few seconds she starts hysterically laughing "You guys ordered two HUNDRED grams of ice cream! Not two scoops!"
So I am now a member of the HIV/AIDS Initiative, Volunteer Safety Council and Peer Support Network. Other options were Gender Equality, Write-on (writing competition), Poetry Competition, Border to Border planning committee (I still plan to walk, just not plan, but more on this later) and the Public Relations Committee. So that's all great, but what does it mean? Well... keep reading!
First, HIV/AIDS Initiative is just that. Framing my service around teaching about HIV/AIDS. It is still very unknown here in Armenia and those that do know have weird superstitions about it (for example, you can't catch it if you're married and douching with beer will cure you) So those of us in the HIV/AIDS initiative will do our best to educate and prevent the spread of HIV/AIDS in Armenia which is quickly becoming a major problem. Because of mass unemployment (40%) many men go to Russia for work, where they frequent prostitutes. They then come home and pass on whatever they have to their wives who are left to suffer in silence. So the second week in October I'll be going back down car-sick road to Yerevan for a training on how to plan events for HIV/AIDS awareness and do it in a culturally appropriate way.
For Volunteer Safety Council, we'll create videos about safety situations for the volunteers. We write a column in the Peace Corps Armenia newsletter with phrases and ways to get out of bad situations. It's like a "Dear Abby" type of thing where the volunteers submit their problem and/or situation and we write tips for others. I'm writing the first one so it will be interesting! We also train the next group of volunteers on how to stay safe. Armenia really can be a crazy dangerous place and I've already found myself in a few shady situations and this year's safety council tips really helped me get out. So I wanted to join in for that reason and secondly, their safety training on sexual assault sucks! So I want to help them fix that.
Third, the Peer Support Network. This is a big one because I had to apply and get picked and from what I heard it was fairly competitive. Peer Support Network (PSN) is a small group of individuals chosen to welcome the new recruits. We work with them before they get here answering questions about Armenia and setting up pen pals in country. Remember Aimee, my pen-pal I talked to before I came here that helped me with my packing list? PSN set me up with that. Once they get here we go to orientation with them and talk to them about their fears and all that. We work with them trying to bond them and make them feel less homesick. Then when they move to their sites, we're on call 24/7 if they have a problem to help them mediate it and handle it before it reaches a bad level.
So I'm going to be very busy pretty much until I leave with all this stuff. I can't wait!
Once I got back to site, I kind of crashed. I'm still on the wave of culture shock and right now am in the "rejection phase." No, I don't want to come out of my room. No, I don't want to do my laundry by hand. No, I don't want to eat eggplant and cutlet for the 10th time this week. No, I don't want to help you with your English homework. No, I don't want to drink your homemade wine. No, I don't want to eat those pig ears. WHY IS EVERYTHING IN THIS COUNTRY BROWN??? No. No. No. No. No. No! It's normal, but it doesn't make me feel any better about this crash. The novelty of this experience is really wearing off fast.
After all, in Peace Corps you don't wake up every morning stretching your arms and thinking to yourself, "Golly, gee!! I'm living the dream! I'm in Peace Corps! I'm doing such a great thing for my future! I'm helping so many people! I'm apart of an amazing group of people!" You think, "Ouch my back hurts. This bed is awful. How cold is it today? Crap. Why is the mail so slow? I have to do my laundry today... that will take hours to do by hand and the water isn't working..." Perspective is often needed.
And I got a big dose of perspective. I joined a book club in Yerevan and while the first book, Middlesex by Jeffrey Eugenides, was less than captivating, our new book is really hitting a chord with me. It's called Man's Search for Meaning, by Viktor Frankl. The author survived the holocaust and wrote a book about how he survived, not physically but mentally. I don't know if it is horrifying or humorous that I relate so much with his train of thought. Even his jokes he tells the other prisoners to get through the day. The whole book isn't about the concentration camps, but instead how you can relate that experience to other aspects of life and get through them (so I don't feel like such a horrible person making the comparison). Below are a few of the book's gems:
"Every day, every hour, offered the opportunity to make a decision, a decision which determined whether you would or would not submit to those powers which threatened to rob you of your very self, your inner freedom; which determined whether or not you would become the plaything of circumstance."
"The way in which a man accepts his fate and all the suffering it entails, the way in which he takes up his cross, gives him ample opportunity-even under the most difficult circumstances- to add a deeper meaning to his life. It may remain brave, dignified and unselfish or in the bitter fight for self-preservation he may forget his human dignity and become no more than an animal. Here lies the chance for a man to either make use or or to forgo the opportunities of attaining the moral values that a difficult situation may afford him. And this decides whether he is worthy of his sufferings or not"
"A day here lasts longer than a week. How paradoxical is time!"
"Emotion, which is suffering, ceases to be suffering as soon as we form a clear and precise picture of it"
"He who has a why to live, can bear almost any how"
"Suffering had become a task on which we did not want to turn our backs. We had realized its hidden opportunities for achievement.
"Man does not need a tension-less state but rather the striving and struggling for a worthwhile goal, a freely given task"
So many people are talking about quitting especially now that the entire country is blanketed in extreme cold, but I'm in it for the long haul. The thought crosses my mind almost every day, but I won't give in. I wanted to be here for so long and no matter how bad it gets I just need to remember that it can always be worse and when I look back on this, I won't remember how much my arms hurt during laundry. I won't remember how I was yelled at for killing a spider wrong. I won't remember how much I cried myself to sleep. I'll remember the dancing and singing and making juice with my host mom in the living room. I'll remember my host dad's love of Jackie Chan movies and Louiza crying over the fire at Grand Candy because "so much candy died!." I'll remember how hard Bella tries at her English homework. I'll remember the hospitality and the horovats and the warmth of my homemade wool blankets on those cold days.