I didn't write last week because I was simply exhausted from traveling back to Armenia; a journey that took almost 24 hours and spanned 4 countries. Overall it was smooth getting back into my routine. I enjoyed getting back to work and sharing stories of my trip with my host family. Everything is back to normal except for missing Scott more than before! I really just want to lay in my bed, under my covers listening to John Legend while binge eating, but with my upcoming schedule of grant projects, side projects, lessons and Bella and Louiza asking for me to do a million and one things with them, I'm being kept plenty distracted from my despair.
We had a visit from an American organization on Tuesday who came to oversee progress on our nutrition grant. Next week I'll write more about that grant and our progress since I don't have the photos, but that project kept us plenty busy until I left early Friday morning for Yerevan. I was invited to Yerevan to give a presentation to the new host families of the A22s. They had plenty of questions about how to live with Americans and how to deal with cultural differences and I was expected to answer based on my experience living in close quarters with Armenians for 15 (almost 16!!) months. Some of the questions really got me thinking, "How do you live with people so different from you?" But they aren't! We're very similar.
We had a visit from an American organization on Tuesday who came to oversee progress on our nutrition grant. Next week I'll write more about that grant and our progress since I don't have the photos, but that project kept us plenty busy until I left early Friday morning for Yerevan. I was invited to Yerevan to give a presentation to the new host families of the A22s. They had plenty of questions about how to live with Americans and how to deal with cultural differences and I was expected to answer based on my experience living in close quarters with Armenians for 15 (almost 16!!) months. Some of the questions really got me thinking, "How do you live with people so different from you?" But they aren't! We're very similar.
It wasn't until afterwords that I really gave some thought to the cultural differences we had overcome in the past year. Was Christine worried about my mattress last year like one of the ladies was? I know for a fact we were all scared about the language barriers? But I walked away from the seminar feeling joyful that we had done such a good job mitigating the cultural differences that I hardly notice them anymore.
The next morning I caught a bus back to Noyemberyan and still had cultural differences on my mind. I didn't really notice them anymore and Louiza had even made a comment earlier in the week about Americans without including me in that group. She viewed me as someone who was just like her. Maybe everyone else does too? Just as I was feeling really satisfied with my cultural navigation, a man sat next to me and started to deliberately bother me. If we were on a bus in America, he would have sat down and we would have observed the classic American past time of mutually ignoring each other's existence. But this man decided to take the opportunity to annoy me until I couldn't take it anymore. So much for not noticing cultural differences!! Just a select few of his questions are below:
"How old are you?"
The next morning I caught a bus back to Noyemberyan and still had cultural differences on my mind. I didn't really notice them anymore and Louiza had even made a comment earlier in the week about Americans without including me in that group. She viewed me as someone who was just like her. Maybe everyone else does too? Just as I was feeling really satisfied with my cultural navigation, a man sat next to me and started to deliberately bother me. If we were on a bus in America, he would have sat down and we would have observed the classic American past time of mutually ignoring each other's existence. But this man decided to take the opportunity to annoy me until I couldn't take it anymore. So much for not noticing cultural differences!! Just a select few of his questions are below:
"How old are you?"
"How much do you weigh?"
"Are you married? Oh, I see you're engaged. You're too fat to keep a husband."
"You won't be a good wife."
"You're fat but I'll still have sex with you."
"Where in Noyemberyan do you live?"
"Do you live alone?"
"How much is your rent?"
"What can you cook?"
"Where did you buy your clothes? They don't look good."
And about 100 more I'll save you from reading
After the first few offensive questions had put in my iPod and was doing my best to ignore him. As someone who is different, I'm used to getting noticed and have questions directed my way and 99% of the time can handle them with grace and a good attitude especially when the one asking is genuinely interested. But maybe it was just the proximity in which he was sitting to me, or my lingering sadness over being away from Scott, or the hard crash from my "there are no cultural differences anymore!" naivety but I was getting pissed off really fast. For a good three hours I put up with this man's talking without getting too angry, but it was about to end.
Finally he turned to me and said, "How many n**gers are there in America?" I ripped out my headphones and turned to look at him directly and said "What did you just ask me?" He repeated his question, laughing and proud of himself that this one worked to get my attention and got a rise out of me. "Many," I said. "There are also many white people, asians and mexicans." I turned to put my head phones in again but before I could block out his voice he said, "Your president is a n*****." "He has black skin, yes." "Was there not a qualified white man to be President in all of America? I could probably go to America and be president because I'm smarter than a n*****."
I was fuming. I have come across this word multiple times in Armenia because it is simply their word for "black person" and doesn't have the negative historical context that it does in America, but it doesn't mean I can hear it without flinching. Over the year I've been here I've heard just about everyone say it at least once and I usually take the time to tell them that Americans find that word offensive because we called them that when they were slaves and it is very hurtful to imply that is how you view black people. When I take the time to explain it, most Armenians are very apologetic and ask questions. It normally starts a discussion about America and is enlightening for all parties involved. That day though, I didn't have the will, energy or attitude to educate that particular man on the bus with me.
Trying to compose myself I said, "In America you have to be smart, strong and responsible. If a man or woman is smart, strong and responsible they can be president. Black or white skin isn't important. The size of their brain is important." He just nodded and said, "You have n***er friends, right?" Just as I was about to flip out on this guy the woman in front of me turned around and said, "Don't say that." "What?" The man said as my body untensed." "Say, sevamot (translated to black skinned person), not n***er," she said. "I had a friend in the Peace Corps and she said it hurt American's hearts to hear that word. They don't like it. You say it to her and you are hurting her heart. Stop." And she turned back around without even looking at me.
The rest of the bus ride was completed in silence, leaving me time to think. I thought about the Peace Corps volunteer that took the time to explain to that woman how that word made her feel. That woman took it to heart with such veracity that she was comfortable standing up to a strange man on a bus. I thought about that woman who had no personal connection to that word or to me but could understand what I felt when I heard it and cared enough to stop it (and the other questions, thank god!). I thought about the people I had told about the word and if they would ever tell anybody else.
So it was naive of me to live in that bubble for those few hours thinking "We've eliminated all our major cultural differences" because we're still far from it. But that's not the point. The point is to meet each other halfway. I'll never get through to everyone here about that word, or the mattresses, nutrition or anything else for that matter and I've accepted that. That bus ride reminded me of the impact possible by simple conversations. There will always be cultural differences. Some are fun and exciting to explore and others do hurt my heart but every interaction with someone from a different culture can educate you and change the way you view the world or a word.
After the first few offensive questions had put in my iPod and was doing my best to ignore him. As someone who is different, I'm used to getting noticed and have questions directed my way and 99% of the time can handle them with grace and a good attitude especially when the one asking is genuinely interested. But maybe it was just the proximity in which he was sitting to me, or my lingering sadness over being away from Scott, or the hard crash from my "there are no cultural differences anymore!" naivety but I was getting pissed off really fast. For a good three hours I put up with this man's talking without getting too angry, but it was about to end.
Finally he turned to me and said, "How many n**gers are there in America?" I ripped out my headphones and turned to look at him directly and said "What did you just ask me?" He repeated his question, laughing and proud of himself that this one worked to get my attention and got a rise out of me. "Many," I said. "There are also many white people, asians and mexicans." I turned to put my head phones in again but before I could block out his voice he said, "Your president is a n*****." "He has black skin, yes." "Was there not a qualified white man to be President in all of America? I could probably go to America and be president because I'm smarter than a n*****."
I was fuming. I have come across this word multiple times in Armenia because it is simply their word for "black person" and doesn't have the negative historical context that it does in America, but it doesn't mean I can hear it without flinching. Over the year I've been here I've heard just about everyone say it at least once and I usually take the time to tell them that Americans find that word offensive because we called them that when they were slaves and it is very hurtful to imply that is how you view black people. When I take the time to explain it, most Armenians are very apologetic and ask questions. It normally starts a discussion about America and is enlightening for all parties involved. That day though, I didn't have the will, energy or attitude to educate that particular man on the bus with me.
Trying to compose myself I said, "In America you have to be smart, strong and responsible. If a man or woman is smart, strong and responsible they can be president. Black or white skin isn't important. The size of their brain is important." He just nodded and said, "You have n***er friends, right?" Just as I was about to flip out on this guy the woman in front of me turned around and said, "Don't say that." "What?" The man said as my body untensed." "Say, sevamot (translated to black skinned person), not n***er," she said. "I had a friend in the Peace Corps and she said it hurt American's hearts to hear that word. They don't like it. You say it to her and you are hurting her heart. Stop." And she turned back around without even looking at me.
The rest of the bus ride was completed in silence, leaving me time to think. I thought about the Peace Corps volunteer that took the time to explain to that woman how that word made her feel. That woman took it to heart with such veracity that she was comfortable standing up to a strange man on a bus. I thought about that woman who had no personal connection to that word or to me but could understand what I felt when I heard it and cared enough to stop it (and the other questions, thank god!). I thought about the people I had told about the word and if they would ever tell anybody else.
So it was naive of me to live in that bubble for those few hours thinking "We've eliminated all our major cultural differences" because we're still far from it. But that's not the point. The point is to meet each other halfway. I'll never get through to everyone here about that word, or the mattresses, nutrition or anything else for that matter and I've accepted that. That bus ride reminded me of the impact possible by simple conversations. There will always be cultural differences. Some are fun and exciting to explore and others do hurt my heart but every interaction with someone from a different culture can educate you and change the way you view the world or a word.